And....we're off...

After much research on Jess' part we have finally found our flights. I'd like to tell you that this was easy and wasn't stressful - but it was. Not because we were getting tickets but because Jess was thinking out loud during the entire process - huffing, breathing and freaking out about the entire process. To be fair - these things happen. The websites are not always the easiest and now...as she sits there freaking out, I am not even sure I can say where we are headed to because, who knows if the flights are there. We were in - rows 46,47 and 48 - two people per row. Jess thought that would make the most sense - her and Isla, Neil and Duncan and me and Malcolm. I just got an "Ok, I am paying and confirming...." with her hands on her chest....confirming your flight booking....almost there...."This is taking too long," she says as she let's out a heavy breath. 

Now she's yelling to the boys because they are playing fortnite and saying it is their fault because they were streaming...I got a "Ok it is confirmed - we were just charged for the taxes... 

We were able to buy the flights with points - so that was a good thing and certainly makes life a little easier.  At least cheaper - but not really.

Then, she got a message that the seats were fucked up - someone bought one of our seats while we were doing it....now we are 47, 48 and 49...she's trying to decide if she should do what other people are doing and we have done before as well - take the ends of the middle seats and hope no one takes them so we can spread out.

I did that once before, when Glenn and I met Jess and Chris in Venice and we took the two aisles - the middle and side and no one sat with us.  

I'm hoping the second time will be a charm as well since we are headed back to Venice on a direct flight. Eight hours twenty-five minutes, four kids.  What could possibly go wrong in that time?   

No stop in London - at least on the way there.   This will be my third time in Venice.  Each time, I have said, "I do not need to go back."  Well, since we keep going with people who have never been, I guess we need to go back.  I am excited to see Il Gobo di Realto again.  When condemned thieves were caught - they had to walk from St. Marks to the Rialto where they were then whipped near this statue.  

Il Gobo - when I was last there in 2011

I'm obsessed with this statue and I don't know why.  They will also enjoy the statues in Florence where the lion is biting the guys butt chucks.  That's a Duncan coined phrase for your asscheeks.  Butt chucks.

Of course, to end off this vacation, I am sick.  I have a weird cough and it is probably the final result of avoiding stuff for the past month and a half at work.  I have an appointment today and I am hoping it is not Bronchmoniafluvid...because it is all going around.  I have had a slight fever (I never get them) and I am a little achy - but who knows, that can be from going to TopGolf this week.  

Now the real harassment will begin - how many days?  How are we getting from X to Y...train, car - no cars because we do not want to have to drag car seats.  Times - yes, that is going to be fun - trying to get these guys up on time to get a train at like - 5:30 am....or better yet, figuring out how we get to that train at 5:30 am....this is the stress of the trip and it is real.  It wasn't horrible when it was just us - we only missed one travel arrangement and it was not my fault.  

Now Jess is flipping out because the trusted traveler program just went down - and she was only half way through entering people's information....the joys of traveling.  And we haven't even left.  This stress is highlighted by the rapid fortnite gunfire from the new season that launched today.  Yay.  So excited.

It's now Saturday.  If you know us, you know why it's Neil, Jess and the Hot Mess....  and I could kick myself for not sharing us at TopGolf...

It was 24 degrees....

To be fair - the place was pretty packed.  The kids love this place - it is highway robbery to be honest when you go with them.  They like to play the games, etc - but the truth is with six of us, you are lucky if you swing the club 50 times - you'd be better off getting a bucket for everyone and letting them go at their own pace.  They were mostly well behaved - I have to give credit where credit is due.

Today, Jess and Malcolm left early to head up to Chappaqua and the criminal Clintons for a gymnastics tournament.  He's been thinking about quitting - he's always complaining that he doesn't like it...what I think he doesn't like is the criticism of performance - feedback...and then using it to get better.  But, he's been focusing and working on it over the last few weeks and it is paying off...took 1st place in P-Bars and 2nd overall - he also, noted an area that he could have done better in that would have made him 1st overall - well done, Malcolm!

Hopefully this will be a confidence booster that helps to keep him motivated - that and swinging off of 2000, year old ruins while we are away.

Lastly today, Duncan and Isla got to pick out their first fish - a beta, of course.  A blue crowntail now named, Crowny.  He lives in a psychedelic tank - that I saved from Jess throwing out and who originally housed Goldy, Neil's beta.  Crowny will be getting his own black light, since the one he has now is mine from college - yes, over 30 years  in the system and it still works -  like me.

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Vacation my ass.

Today is Monday, February 17th.  It is President's Day.  It is supposed to be vacation.  Maybe I should back it up to Saturday, the 15th, our anniversary.

I woke up and went to the chiropractor.  Then we had to go to Republic Airport to finalize our Global Entry paperwork.  Then, drop three at home and pick up a prescription and call my boss while Jess and Malcolm drove to Philly for his gymnastics meet.  Then bring Duncan to a birthday party.  Then make lunch.  Then get Duncan.  Then make dinner.  Then get people to bed. 

Sunday was a little more lazy but....still lot's to do.  And now it is Monday.  The plan was to go into the bar and have my coffee and watch an episode or two of the Wonder Years with Malcolm.  Instead, I was accosted by the points monster, her calendar, pages of notes...

Perhaps this was purposeful, not that you can make it out, but the wall on her left is covered in pitcures from previous trips, maps and pin map with places we have been.  Behind her is a gemstone globe that my parents gave me when I graduated.  I think they hoped I would one day be able to put it in my classroom.  I don't think they had any idea where I might have ended up or they would have given me a blow up globe instead.  Behind her are baseballs from the stadiums I have been to.  A few gaps that need to be filled in, but there are 23 out of 30 stadiums.  It would be great to finish them off soon.

While this process sounds like something that should not be too difficult, it is in fact daunting.  The amount of disruptions is truly insane.  "Mom!"  "Ma" "Mom!"  "Mommy!"  "Mom."  

At this point it is primarily Malcolm.  He tried to clean part of one of the bathrooms in a good faith effort to earn some time on Fortnite.  The battle ensued - as the OCD cleaning gestapo went on her inspection of said "labor."  After pointing out numerous spots that needed to be addressed, including the football that had not even been moved (and in her defense, you can't really clean the floor without moving everything off of it), he was given a shot at round 2.  We sat back down to start talking again...."Mom!"  "Ma" "Mom!"  "Mommy!"  "Mom."  She kept getting distracted while looking at flight information and then he pops his head in to let us know he's waiting.

Probably not the best approach since, the next minutes was spent listening to - "Are you kidding, Malcolm?"  His protest, then, "Of course you can get in there and clear it."  Followed by his, "Why?  This is bull - no one can see that!"  Unfortunately for you, buddy, the gestapo sees everything.

It's 10:30 and Neil is not even up yet.  Duncan and Isla are doing something in their fort in the living room and despite all the up and down on the stairs Neil is still not up.  Though, we keep hearing, "Alexa...volume up..." which means someone will be up soon.  Jess then hops on the app and uses Alexa to tell them to stop.  Fucking Big Brother.  Maybe Big Mother.

Honestly, at this point, I would be ok with just taking the money and making the yard an amazing space to hang out.  

It's 11:25 and his highness is up and we tried to have a discussion about the number of days in different places, etc.  At which point he informed his mother that he gave me an ultimatum.  I had to gently explain to him that he does not make ultimatums.  I do and that since I am the one footing the bill, I will be the only one making ultimatums.  He understood and recognized the use of the wrong vocabulary word.

As usual, there are issues with summer school.  The truth is, there are no issues other than it is not only for mandated kids, it is a baby sitting system for everyone who applies on time.  This means the program has to be covered by a principal - however, the mandated program ends at 12 or 1 and then it is the community based organizations - because of all this, more sites are open and people have to be available - which, they really don't because an AP can run the regular day program in the absence of a principal.   Regardless, this required that I sell my soul, miss a day in Florida and then use another two days to leave on the 31st if that works best for flights.  I also, to make it work, agreed not to take my remote days for the days I will be there in case there is a need for coverage.  

Right now, kids are trying on clothes for the trip.  Trip clothes as Jess likes to get excited about.  The truth is they will probably grow out of all of this shit before we go.  This was a much easier proposition when they were smaller and not growing as quickly.

When you're this guy, you don't even take off your reindeer PJs to try stuff on.

Now the decision is going to be:  can we get there on points - direct to Venice or will we need to stop somewhere and how much time will we be spending in each place.  Initial estimates have us finishing Italy by August 12th and then trying to see some of Greece and Croatia - with a possible stop in London for a cheap flight back.  Or getting to somewhere else for a cheap flight home.

I'm working tomorrow and Wednesday in order to get additional days in the summer.  

Yeah, vacation my ass.

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It begins...

Well, it has been a while since the last one - the trip to Scotland with just the boys.  That was the summer of 2018 - Jess was pregnant with Isla and I was changing jobs to the school I am at now.  

In between, there have been numerous small trips - Jess and Isla went to Wales with her mom and family friends while the boys, Grappa and I went on our 8 stadium baseball tour.  Of course, wedged in there was fucking Covid and all of the bullshit that came along with that.

Ok, before we continue, I should probably say this blog is not for you if:

• You don't like cursing;
• You are easily offended;
• You are inflexibly politically correct and don't understand context;
• You can't handle reality.

This blog is for you if:

• You want to know what it is like to travel with four very strong willed kids;
• You would like to test the limits of your own marriage vicariously through us;
• You appreciate being told the truth and the raw emotions that come with it; 
• You know family dynamics are messy, especially when you have four very strong willed kids;
• You recognize that random crazy shit will come out of kids' mouthes based on what they see - and we document it, as is.  No apologies and no regrets.

If any of this scares you, stop reading now.  Seriously.  If you continue to read, keep your judgements to yourself.  

It is Super Bowl Sunday morning here and it snowed.  My hip, neck and back are a mess, so I am hoping that the strapping young lads we created will get the snow cleared up very quickly, but since 2/3 of them are on the couch and one is outside and says he is going to do something but will quickly be redirected by whatever is going on outside, I do not have much hope.  If you are watching the game today and you are from NY and you root for Philly, just give up your NY card and move there.  More importantly, Liverpool play Plymouth-Argyle in the FA Cupat 10 and I will soon be redirected as well.

I have already been scolded by Jess because I have started the blog before she bought plane tickets.  She says I never do that and I am going to jinx it.  I don't think so because if you know Jess, she is already obsessed with this trip and she's one to talk since she bought "trip clothes" for the kids.  We haven't even bought fucking tickets yet.  And while we are on her obsessive behavior - let's talk.  And to be transparent this is on the table for public consumption because she said to me yesterday, "You know I am going to be unbearable for the next six months."   I said, "What, talking and me incessantly about the trip? (Even when I am not listening)."  To which she replied, "Yes."  

I will be in trouble for this picture...I am not comfortable with her proximity to me at this juncture.

In addition to clothing, she has also started with:  a book on how to travel to get some of the best deals and what you need to do to find them, including daily searches, using points and then being willing to go to other spots that you maybe were not thinking about at the start - this way you can get the best prices.  I say the five of them can go in coach and I get first class.  Now in addition to the trip spots we are discussing the potential lay over spots, which currently include Iceland and London and this could be on the way there or on the way back.  No one knows.

But I guess before we talk about locations, we should probably talk about how we got here and why we might go where we might go.  Neil is thirteen now and really enjoys ancient history and so, he has been thinking about things he would like to see  - and I am sure has seen multiple things online regarding locations.  He really wants to see the Colosseum in Rome, along with the Forum and he wants to see Pompeii.  He also wants to see Athens and the crystal blue waters of the Greek Islands.  Then along comes Malcolm - "I want to see Venice."  Now, I have been to both twice (Jess maybe 3 times).  I am not against visiting them again, but to be fair, Venice is cool to see but it's not worth much of the time for it's location.  Rome is - so it could be a first stop or something.  The monkey wrench #2 Jess throws out - "I'd like to go to Chinque Terre again."  Don't get me wrong - it is cool to hike the trails and see the five villages but it is nowhere near anything else.  And so, the hot mess begins....where, when and what else.

I personally would like to go at least one place I have not been and so suggested that we look at Croatia since it is across the water from Italy.  And this is a definite possibility - checking out Split, Dubrovnik and the caves in the north (highly recommended).  So there are some natural routes that can be taken to kind of loop around or start at Venice, Rome and then across or the other way around.  Oh yeah - then we also talked about who might be joining us on the way and for different portions of the trip - Jess' friend Jen from Australia, Jess' parents...anyone else?

This is going to be a difficult trip to manage for a few reasons from a work related perspective:  I have to work other vacation days to get more days because we will be at the beach in Florida for a week; I will have to have someone enter summer promotional decisions into the computer because I will be overseas and I have to make sure that I can efficiently get everything done in the time that I have in the building - which is difficult under normal circumstances since I get very easily distracted with the summer bug and want to be there as little as possible.  This shouldn't be a problem with ALL the time I have on the weekends.  (That's sarcasm).  

Now, if you know my kids, you can understand the reservations I have with two of them in major cities like Rome.  Barring a leash, it is going to be more than stressful keeping track of them.  Say what you want - but some of the more shady elements of society would probably be able to fetch a good price for the blondies - and if I am going to go to jail in Europe, Italy might be the best place.  However, given past trips, one of them is likely to get arrested before me for climbing on 2000 year old ruins.

This is where we are - Jess is making something to eat, I am watching the Liverpool game - 20 min in and no score WTF.  Stay tuned because I have a feeling that with the break coming for President's Week, things are going to escalate very quickly.  

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